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Post by edog40 on Mar 8, 2021 18:40:39 GMT
Without me going into a lot of detail, I'm wondering how others deal with depression and grief/loss issues....? Thanks in advance.
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Post by The Ocean on Mar 8, 2021 20:12:44 GMT
The God's honest truth Edog is that I get through it with a combination of medication, therapy, and stubbornness. There are days when I feel not even just sadness, but the complete absence of hope that I could ever be happy. A lot of times I find myself pretending. But honestly the pills and the therapy have helped greatly. I know that isn't help for everybody, and I do know that access to therapy is a big issue, but even just the act of trying helps.
Frank talk: Things got really dark for me back in 2013. I survived a suicide attempt and I was likely to try again. Then, my friend Liam was murdered by an 8 time drunk driving convoct name Robert Elwood Landis. His family, his girlfriend, his ex, all of his friends including me, it was devastating and I still miss him. But it also showed me what leaving this world would do to the people I loved. So I started going to therapy and I started taking medication. And I started forcing myself to leave the house and socialize. Missing that during this pandemic is helped by having online communities like this and Zoom meetups with friends.
Two of my friends died in the last year and a half, plus another two of my wife's friends. We process the grief by attempting to honor their memory in our life. Our friend Charlie was the worst. I still don't believe he is gone and part of me feels I will never quite believe it, but after all this time remembering to appreciate the things he did, enjoy the kind of things he did, saying "oh Charlie would have loved this."
Depression is insidious and difficult to overcome, but it CAN BE OVERCOME. Loss and grief are hard, too. And they aren't straight lines. But I fight depression in my own way by making myself do things I would do when I wasn't like this. Watching a show even if I want to lay in bed and sleep. Making a phone call to a friend when though I don't want to talk. And of course the aforementioned therapy and pills etc. The compounding depression from loss and grief is sharp, but we can try every day to honor those we have lost rather than attempting not to think about it. It makes it an active effort instead of avoidance. Both are painful in their own way, but avoidance keeps it in longer.
I may have rambled a bit much. I hope you are doing as well as you can, and that you see the hope that is out there every single day, and are able to think fondly on the good memories you have.
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Post by luxexterior on Mar 9, 2021 18:13:24 GMT
Really sorry to hear that you are suffering. I, like many people, have had a pretty bad year & have recently quit my job due to depression. I am seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel now & my advice to anyone suffering from depression or similar is GET HELP. Speak to your doctor you are likely to need both medication & counseling, I am currently having both of these & they are helping immensely. I made the mistake of thinking I work through my problems myself, the truth is usually you can't. I know it's difficult but please seek professional help.
Hope the sky brightens for you.
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Post by edog40 on Mar 10, 2021 13:58:21 GMT
Thanks Lauren and Lux, I just thought that after a year I'd be done mourning for my ex wife, but that's not the case. Things are better than they were last week.
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Post by The Ocean on Mar 10, 2021 14:58:07 GMT
And I am so so sorry man. It is not easy and you have to above all treat yourself with kindness. Grief is hard enough without a pandemic. Be good to yourself, tell yourself kind things, and remember that grief is never linear and that bad days don't mean it's getting worse, and that it's just part of the process. I never lost a partner like that so I don't know what you're feeling exactly, but I know loss is a trial, and I and everybody else here are on your side for it.
I'm so glad to see you reaching out to people, because I know that that is a very difficult step. Just remember to keep doing that. Keep reaching out when you feel you need to. Somebody may not be able to respond right that second, but we ARE here.
We are rooting for you, Edog
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Post by luxexterior on Mar 11, 2021 17:10:53 GMT
Thanks Lauren and Lux, I just thought that after a year I'd be done mourning for my ex wife, but that's not the case. Things are better than they were last week. The whole grieving process is hard & there is no map to find your way through it. There is help out there though & although its hard to take the first step once you have you really will be on the road to recovery. When you lose someone close in way the grief never stops but you will find a way to deal with it & a place to put all of feelings that go with the grief. I have been through something similar & with help got through it I know you will too.
I feel for you buddy & hope that things get better for you.
Stay strong & be as positive as you can.
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Post by edog40 on Mar 11, 2021 21:28:53 GMT
This is the deepest, darkest and longest lasting hole that I've ever been in; and it's much better than it was when she had first died, and getting better. And it doesn't make sense, we'd been estranged for years and only contacted through text the last time being two years ago. We weren't even happy for much of our marriage but her death has wrecked me more than any other. SMDH
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Post by luxexterior on Mar 12, 2021 8:59:45 GMT
This is the deepest, darkest and longest lasting hole that I've ever been in; and it's much better than it was when she had first died, and getting better. And it doesn't make sense, we'd been estranged for years and only contacted through text the last time being two years ago. We weren't even happy for much of our marriage but her death has wrecked me more than any other. SMDH I'm so sorry for what you are going through. But in what you wrote above I think I can see a chink of light. You say things are getting better, that's fantastic things WILL continue to get better, all this is a process. You will always miss your ex wife & you will never forget her but you will find a place to put your grief where it doesn't continue to hurt you & allows you to live a normal life. I know this might sound strange but trust me it will happen. And please if you continue to struggle seek help.
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Post by edog40 on Mar 21, 2021 21:56:10 GMT
“Hell of the memoirs is the Heaven of pain” how true. Sometimes I think memories are punishments.
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Post by CAPTAIN on Mar 22, 2021 21:12:39 GMT
“Hell of the memoirs is the Heaven of pain” how true. Sometimes I think memories are punishments. i feel memories are part of how someones soul lives on.hang in there and good vibes too ya edog !
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Post by bil on Mar 23, 2021 0:33:15 GMT
“Hell of the memoirs is the Heaven of pain” how true. Sometimes I think memories are punishments. i feel memories are part of how someones soul lives on.hang in there and good vibes too ya edog ! Same here. Like the reference to Romeo & Juliet in DFTR....400 years later they are still remembered for their love for each other. Their story and in a sense their souls will never be forgotten.
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Post by edog40 on Mar 23, 2021 1:32:28 GMT
I’m just using this thread as an outlet.
This weekend I was cleaning out the basement and ran across pictures and such that brought back memories and nostalgia, it wasn’t welcome at the time. Moving forward I would expect that the memories will mean more, it’s just too tender now. The anniversary month of Priscillas death has been more difficult than I imagined.
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Post by ziddersroofurry on Sept 21, 2021 17:16:31 GMT
Depression is tough, no doubt about it. As far as what you're dealing with, though, it might do you some good to take advantage of grief counseling if you're able. The fact is you don't just 'get over' someone you love passing away. It's a long, difficult process but if there's anything good to be found in it, it's that you don't have to deal with it alone. There are a lot of people out there who are more than willing to be reached out to if you're willing/able to reach out. Just please don't get mad at yourself for feeling how you do. I know it really hurts-I lost my mom in 2016 and I still feel that loss every day but there are things we can do to mitigate that pain. Part of how I handle it is by doing what I'm doing now-reaching out to others.
You're always more than welcome to note me if you ever need someone to talk to. Just know that there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling, and that there are people out there you can talk to. I also recommend ' Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life After a Loss That Changes Everything' By Lucy Hone, Ph.D. and 'I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One' By Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D. Also 'On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss' By Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler.
Be kind to yourself, OK? That's the first part of the healing process. Focus on finding ways to keep busy that are constructive and that help you express things in ways that are healthy. Like painting or making music. Those can help you cope in a myriad of ways.
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Post by edog40 on Feb 10, 2022 0:51:21 GMT
It turns out that getting your depression meds dialed in and seeing a therapist really helps with complicated grief.
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Post by eastmark on Feb 10, 2022 2:44:14 GMT
Great to hear this good news. Wishing you continued steps forward edog. Tough stuff but it sounds like better days are ahead.
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