Post by druid on Jan 17, 2022 1:49:49 GMT
Glucose and nose picking.
For most people, picking the nose in public is a simple, mindless process. But to really do it in a refined, sophisticated and civilized fashion, one should adhere to a plan—or at least, a set of peer-reviewed guidelines. In such matters, I often defer to the French (who do not attach such a negative stigma to “le nose pick”). So here and now, I am pleased to present for your edification a 7-step action plan for publicly picking one’s nose….put together collaboratively with my friend “Marcel” (not his real name), of Toulouse, France.
Once the urge, or genuine need arises, do a quick survey of those around you. Are they really paying attention? Will they really give a damn? They may look like complete strangers—but wait, that guy wearing the plaid jacket….he looks familiar. Maybe that’s Barry’s friend who you chatted with last February at a Lincoln’s Birthday Party in Orlando? Just—be careful and think of ALL possible social consequences of being caught doing it in public!
Determine how long your picking will take before you even begin to reach up and in. Think ahead—and decide exactly what evasive actions you will take if someone is taking notice of where “you’re hiding your index finger”. There’s no need to lose face by neglecting this step! (If you lose face, you’ll never be able to pick your nose again! Hahaha….just kidding—this is actually NOT possible!)
Think it through….are your neck and spine in the best possible alignment for the “quick pick” that only a real “nosy-body” might notice?
Which hand, which nostril? If the nostril needing immediate relief is your left one, the best hand to use is your right—and vice-versa. The easiest access angles are always opposite hand / nostril. If n = L then h = R. Get it?
Covering: If you’re picking your left nostril with your right pinky or index finger, always attempt to cup your left hand around the entire nose. It’s just common sense. It’s not that YOU care whether complete strangers see you pick your nose—it’s just a matter of applying the Golden Nose Rule: “would you want to watch you picking your nose in public?” Just be courteous and thoughtful! That’s all—simple!
Transitioning to a “scratch”…..as well-documented in the famous SEINFELD episode (1996). If you are quite certain you are being watched by someone nearby, start pretending that you are NOT really picking your nose. You are scratching it. Why? Because it itches! Why else would you scratch it! It’s none of their business!
Eye contact: If you have the “cajones” and really want to spook someone who you catch watching you—you may wish to try the opposite of “escaping” or “pretending you’re scratching, not picking” or “making believe this is not really happening at all”….you can disrupt and even frighten the onlooker staring at you by STARING RIGHT BACK AT them, as if to say: “Yeah buddy, I’m picking my damn nose! You got a problem with that? This is America, isn’t it? The home of the brave and land of the free-to-pick-our own noses, right?” Just cold stare them WHILE YOU’RE STILL PICKING until they cannot bear to watch any more, and they glance away. Humans are funny animals!
Good luck! If you have any comments or questions, please contact Marcel in France. I just wrote down what he told me, and did a little editing after the translating was done. This is really all Marcel’s content….he knows noses! Thank you et merci!
For most people, picking the nose in public is a simple, mindless process. But to really do it in a refined, sophisticated and civilized fashion, one should adhere to a plan—or at least, a set of peer-reviewed guidelines. In such matters, I often defer to the French (who do not attach such a negative stigma to “le nose pick”). So here and now, I am pleased to present for your edification a 7-step action plan for publicly picking one’s nose….put together collaboratively with my friend “Marcel” (not his real name), of Toulouse, France.
Once the urge, or genuine need arises, do a quick survey of those around you. Are they really paying attention? Will they really give a damn? They may look like complete strangers—but wait, that guy wearing the plaid jacket….he looks familiar. Maybe that’s Barry’s friend who you chatted with last February at a Lincoln’s Birthday Party in Orlando? Just—be careful and think of ALL possible social consequences of being caught doing it in public!
Determine how long your picking will take before you even begin to reach up and in. Think ahead—and decide exactly what evasive actions you will take if someone is taking notice of where “you’re hiding your index finger”. There’s no need to lose face by neglecting this step! (If you lose face, you’ll never be able to pick your nose again! Hahaha….just kidding—this is actually NOT possible!)
Think it through….are your neck and spine in the best possible alignment for the “quick pick” that only a real “nosy-body” might notice?
Which hand, which nostril? If the nostril needing immediate relief is your left one, the best hand to use is your right—and vice-versa. The easiest access angles are always opposite hand / nostril. If n = L then h = R. Get it?
Covering: If you’re picking your left nostril with your right pinky or index finger, always attempt to cup your left hand around the entire nose. It’s just common sense. It’s not that YOU care whether complete strangers see you pick your nose—it’s just a matter of applying the Golden Nose Rule: “would you want to watch you picking your nose in public?” Just be courteous and thoughtful! That’s all—simple!
Transitioning to a “scratch”…..as well-documented in the famous SEINFELD episode (1996). If you are quite certain you are being watched by someone nearby, start pretending that you are NOT really picking your nose. You are scratching it. Why? Because it itches! Why else would you scratch it! It’s none of their business!
Eye contact: If you have the “cajones” and really want to spook someone who you catch watching you—you may wish to try the opposite of “escaping” or “pretending you’re scratching, not picking” or “making believe this is not really happening at all”….you can disrupt and even frighten the onlooker staring at you by STARING RIGHT BACK AT them, as if to say: “Yeah buddy, I’m picking my damn nose! You got a problem with that? This is America, isn’t it? The home of the brave and land of the free-to-pick-our own noses, right?” Just cold stare them WHILE YOU’RE STILL PICKING until they cannot bear to watch any more, and they glance away. Humans are funny animals!
Good luck! If you have any comments or questions, please contact Marcel in France. I just wrote down what he told me, and did a little editing after the translating was done. This is really all Marcel’s content….he knows noses! Thank you et merci!